I felt that you dove straight into the essay in your first paragraph. The connection to contemporary American society and our consumerist society in the third paragraph is a good one, but one I felt that the paragraph didn't really have much to do with it. The paragraph mostly deals with the concept of religion in this utopian future and not really on the their obsession with technology.
On Erica Marquez's essay:
Good Job Erica. i felt like you could've used a bit more explanation on terms such Alpha and DHC to readers who aren't familiar with the novel. Other than that, the essay is solid. You present an argument and support it with relevant evidence from the novel. You clearly show how Bernard is different and how hes considered an outcast as well as the pressure from society to be a conformist.
On Shane Hunter's essay:
I felt like the second half of your intro paragraph belongs somewhere else. It seems a little out of place. I like your incorporation of another novel into your essay, but I felt as if you could have expanded on that idea and draw a slightly bigger comparison. Other than that, a solid essay.
On Becky Aldrich's essay:
Hey Becky! I found your use of Lenina as your focus of your essay interesting and refreshing. While most everyone goes for characters such as Bernard or Hemholtz, you went for the less obvious choice. I feel like you could have went a little more in-depth to the description of the world Lenina lives in, as that would give the reader a better insight of how her environment shaped her. Your essay could have also been longer.
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